Recently my husband had a routine endoscopy – also known as a surveillance endoscopy – for his achalasia. One of the things the doctors told us when my husband was diagnosed was that this disease increased his risk of esophageal cancer, that’s why the doctor recommended having an endoscopy every two years to monitor how he is doing.
This year as I was preparing my heart for whatever the doctor would say at his routine endoscopy, I had to face something that lingered in my heart for years; the fact that this disease often influenced my actions, and my life.
I had been to a point where I was thinking I needed to find out what the doctor says before I can move forward. I’m not sure why the fear was there. Maybe we were really only three years out from his diagnosis and I didn’t know what to expect. I personally have had trouble finding stable ground in the past 5 and half years – ever since my husband started getting symptoms.
After my husband’s endoscopy on June 10th we were told that his condition hasn’t gotten any worse, praise God! The doctor seemed more concerned about researching ways to help my husband manage his symptoms considering Shaun is only 36 years old, the doctor doesn’t want him to have to go the rest of his life not being able to swallow liquids, or food.
So his condition isn’t worse, nor is it better. But my heart has changed. The fear is gone and I have more of a peace about all of this. I have a resolve in my heart that his illness will not determine our next steps.
Everyday is another opportunity for me to trust God, with everything. The problem isn’t gone, but God has been faithful to sustain us. He has been faithful to provide for us.
My husband is such a trooper, never once complaining about the condition that I know makes him feel uncomfortable every time he eats or drinks something. But he never lets that stop him from doing what God has called him to do, and he is always working tirelessly to take care of his responsibilities.
One word that The Lord has been speaking to my heart is stability.
In order to have faith we need endurance. In order to have endurance we need to have stability, and God needs to know that we are grounded in our faith. I have known for so long that I can’t let this one thing determine the steps that I take in faith, but honestly when you are unsure about the future you sometimes have no idea which way to go.
I certainly thrive on having an end goal in mind, and wanting for everything to have purpose and meaning. So when life throws me uncertainty it’s hard to find that stable ground again. When I can’t seem to understand all that is going on around me, and I can’t possibly understand the meaning and the purpose behind something, that’s where stability in Christ comes in.
God needs to know that we will endure the entire race, and even last through the uncertainty of life. He wants to SEE who or what we find our security in. He needs to know that He can count on us.
As I move forward with some things I feel God has been preparing me for, I often think WHO I would like to help me. I have been blessed to be surrounded by amazing people who are self motivated and simply willing to say yes to the call God has placed on their life.
The Lord wants to motivate us. I know for me I feel unmotivated when I am lingering in my pain and struggles. It’s difficult for God to motivate a heart that feels their trials are bigger than their God. We often get stuck in our struggles rather than moving forward with whatever path The Lord has set before us.
It’s been easier, though. His yoke is easy and His burden is light, if we are asked to endure through the pain then we can pray that He will make it easier. Easier to love, have faith, and trust in HIM!
Our family is truly no different from any other family in this world. So many people are going through trials, loss, and grief. My heart breaks for them and often it is too much to bear. But I pray for them, and I pray for my husband.
It’s not easy, but my heart is tired of doubting and using my pain as a crutch and therefore a reason as to why I can’t move forward. I have decided that nothing can stop me from trusting in The Lord because ALL my hope is found in Jesus. That’s enough to motivate me to move forward…
One thing The Lord revealed to me at a conference I was at is that if you are WELL then you DON’T think (or act) sick.
Maybe healing is found in our actions and our thoughts. I think God just wants us to take our thoughts off the sickness and focus on the healing. Even if we aren’t well within our body or if we are in the midst of a trial, we still have the power to live a redeemed life by the choices that we make, the actions that we take, and the thoughts we think.
It’s not an easy thing to do but we can work towards making small steps towards the right choice and thinking like we are healed.
The future doesn’t scare me anymore and I’m thankful for that…everyday I choose to have faith in God. I no longer live a life where my actions are determined by my circumstances. This is steady faith…
Our faith begins with what we know and believe about God. Our faith will carry us how far we are willing to let it take us. Faith is a choice and we need to begin by choosing to believe in Jesus and His power to move mountains, heal the sick, and save us from all our sins through His sacrifice on the cross.