So it’s almost Mother’s Day. Honestly this time of year is such a busy and fun time of year. I get to celebrate Mother’s Day, my mom’s Birthday, and the birth of my oldest child!
My daughter will actually be 16 years old on May 12th. This is causing a whole lot of emotions that I simply wasn’t expecting. She was the baby that made me a mommy, a young mommy, a teen mom to be exact. I don’t write much about being a mom at such a young age and I am not sure why that is. Maybe because the emotions are still so real, or maybe it’s because I feel it’s a label that carries a lot of judgement with it. Even now I still get comments like, “You don’t look old enough to have a 16 year old!” I know that people are complimenting me, but it makes me feel a bit insecure.
Insecurity is definitely something I struggled with as a teen mom. But being a teen mom I had no idea that in general ALL moms struggle with insecurity.
Honestly I don’t like writing about motherhood in general, maybe it’s not about how old I was when I had my daughter as so much as it’s about being a mother is probably THE #1 thing I am MOST insecure about. Being a mom is hard, and often we think the older our children get the easier motherhood will get, and I have to say that is just not the case.
The older my children get the more insecure I am, however the more I lean and trust in God. The older my “baby” gets the more I have to let her go, but even in that our relationship grows.
I think about when I was only 16 years old wondering what in the world am I suppose to do with a 4 day old baby that will only sleep on my chest, and refused to sleep in her bassinet, and I think about how difficult that was. I think about how much I struggled with the love I had for her, sleep deprivation, and the desire to run back to all the things I did before I had her in order to cope with the pain that I was trying to hide. I then think about now, she is going to be 16 years old, almost an adult. I think about her helping her little sister at Target find a pair of shoes, or how she texts me in the middle of the day just to say “hi.” Motherhood is hard, and I’m pretty sure I get it wrong 99% of the time, but truly it is so sweet.
The more I let my daughter go, the more she grows, and I grow a little bit, too.
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