Last week I submitted a prayer request at church asking for everyone to pray that my husband’s achalasia is healed. You see he has had this disease for awhile now, and just last year he had a surgery to help with his symptoms, but it is not a disease that can be healed through doctors, but only through Jesus.
Well the surgery went fine and the symptoms were few in the months after. My husband finally felt some relief in eating than he ever did before. My heart was so happy to see him gaining weight again and eating without pain.
But a few months ago he started having symptoms again. We knew that the surgery could not heal his condition, and that there was a 10% chance that it could eventually fail later on causing him to feel the effects of his disease again. My heart was truly crushed, and to put it lightly I was angry at God.
Well my husband went back to the doctor and was told he could have another myotomy, however they think it will do nothing to help the situation, or he could have a surgery where they remove his esophagus and replace it with his stomach. Again we want to do neither of these, so now we wait, we wait for God to heal what doctors and no amount of money can heal.
I have to say everyday my faith is tested on this, and it is so easy to go to the hopelessness that comes when you can’t control a certain situation. There is nothing more we can do, and the options we have are drastic and not to mention they do not heal his disease nor do they guarantee it will make things better.
SO often I want to pray for God to take away our suffering, and I have prayed many times for him to instantly heal my husband and just remove this from our life. But it’s still there…
Now what? Well I can choose to have faith or I can choose to stop believing in God all together.
I can choose to believe that God is Who He says He is. I can trust that the plans He has for my husband and our family are GOOD. I can believe that God is good all the time. I can trust that in our suffering God will use ALL things to work together for His glory, and His goodness.
It’s not always easy, and oh how nice it would be for the suffering to go away. But being a Father isn’t always easy. Sometimes the suffering does more good than removing the suffering from our life, kind of like when we put our kiddos in a time out or ground them. As hard as this might be to accept, this suffering is left here in order to make us BETTER. Better than what we use to be, and better than what we could end up being if suffering never entered our life.
So for me right now, I am at a point of acceptance. I accept that in God’s timing He will heal my husband, and through this time of pain and suffering God will continue to work to make us better, and in the end He will be glorified…
even though I have received wonderful revelations from God. But to keep me from getting puffed up, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from getting proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me. Since I know it is all for Christ’s good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (NLT)