Whenever I am working on, or trying something new I often have doubts that go through my head and I often wonder if it’s “going to work” or if it is “good enough.”
When I first began writing there was this process of wondering if I was a good enough writer, is this what I am even supposed to be doing, or is anyone going to even read what I write.It was stressful always wondering if I was making a mistake or if the time I invested into it was even worth it.
Another one of my worries: is this time I am investing into this project even worth it.
My husband is really good at not only seeing the big picture but also in knowing that every person matters.
He is the first one to encourage me when it comes to when I get into these modes of doubting and wondering if what I am doing really matters.
Then there are people who honestly share their heart with me and encourage me to keep on doing what I am doing because they have been impacted in some way by the words that I have written.
All of this helps to encourage me and I am grateful for it. However, it doesn’t erase that process of doubt, question, and wonder. This process is not something that breeds confidence in me at all.
I am completely and totally afraid to make the wrong choice, or spend my life working on the wrong things. I don’t like wasting my time or feeling like maybe I am wasting my life.
The brevity of life has been a huge revelation to me as I get older. One thing I have learned through this journey is that nothing will help us to escape our final destination on this journey. In this I have truly realized what matters in my life.
I’ve had to take risks in saying “no” to things that I found security in.
I almost wore those things like a security blanket ensuring that if I followed this formula, or this system, then I would be safe especially at “THE end.”
But in the process of moving away from this system of doubt I have learned there is no guarantee in life, or even THE end, except for Jesus.
Sometimes we can get this vision or dream in our heart and have this expectation of what it will look like to have that dream or vision unfold in our life. I think that’s what happened when the Jews met Jesus, they had a vision and a dream of what their messiah looked like and what he would do, but everything God had promised them didn’t unfold the way they thought it would.Jesus did fulfill the promise and it was a promise that would only benefit those who believed in Him.
It wasn’t a promise that would be fulfilled just because you had a certain heritage. Jesus confronted a lot of people who were the chosen people but they didn’t believe in Him so he could do nothing for Him.
How many times do we want for someone to stop sinning but we truly don’t believe in God’s power to heal that person from their sin? I think a lot of times we doubt that God can heal in these ways so we cover it with grace and just continue to allow it in this other persons life, or even in our own.
Can you imagine being Mary and Martha after they just watched their brother, Lazarus, pass away? They sent for Jesus but he arrived a few days too late.
After all of that, Jesus asked them if they believed in Him.
I think it would be difficult to believe after I had been disappointed by someone. It takes a whole lot of faith to believe in someone after they have let you down.
Jesus had already let Mary and Martha down, but he was asking one more time if they believed in Him and what He could do in their life. They believed him so much that Jesus was able to raise Lazarus up from the dead.
Trusting and believing in someone who has disappointed you before takes a great risk. We have to set aside our fears that they will leave us high and dry again.
Some might say that God asks a lot from us by asking us to trust in Him. But honestly, what can God do for us if we don’t believe in Him?
It has been an age old struggle and a choice that only we can make. Adam and Eve struggled with it from the first time they were tempted with something else, they stopped believing in God, they stopped trusting in Him.
This season of my life I have had to struggle with the disappointment and unfairness brought on by other people. I think we have all been disappointed by God at some point in our life and we struggle with our doubt, fears, and our faith.
People must have thought that Mary and Martha were naive to believe in Jesus now that their brother was dead.
Some people might think you are naive, too, to trust God even after he has disappointed you. But there is truly no other way, not in this life of faith in Jesus, we either believe him or we don’t.
Belief always precedes action. What you believe in is how you will live your life. When we believe in Jesus we walk in faith.
SO we take that risk of believing in Jesus, and also the people around us who have let us down.
Today I am thinking about the people who have let me down, and then I am trusting and believing that Jesus can turn everything around. I don’t know what the outcome will be, but I do know how empty I feel when I doubt Jesus and I live a life of doubt, fear, and unbelief.