I don’t often write about becoming a mom at sixteen. It is such a huge part of my testimony. Every time I look at a teen girl who chooses to have her baby I often think about how brave she is.
That’s the biggest thing I remember about becoming a teen mom, the fear. Not only was I a teenager, I was also becoming a mom. I had the same excitement any mom has when she finds out she is growing a life, but I also had an extra dose of guilt and shame to carry around, too. Every time I wanted to rejoice over this new life I also felt a twinge of guilt that I was even pregnant.
It was such an emotional time in my life. The moment I had that tug on my heart that I might be pregnant I stopped all the things that would put my baby at risk. My life was changed forever. In saying “no” to all the things I used to do I also had to let go of friendships that sheltered that lifestyle. It wasn’t easy and quite honestly it was the loneliest time in my life.
When we are birthing a new life we often need to let go of all that will put that new life at risk.
I think that we can all get to that place of loneliness, where we feel like nobody understands and nobody cares to listen. When we decide to move away from all the things or even the relationships that hurt us, and we choose to move forward in the call God has placed on our life, then we are bound to face some loneliness in our walk.
There will always be moments where God calls us to a place of greater victory.
In those moments we will face times of loneliness and great struggle in denying our flesh. I was able to walk away from my old lifestyle when I found out I was pregnant at sixteen because I wanted so much more for the baby I was about to have, I wanted to be worthy of the call to be her mother. I knew she deserved so much more…
We need to protect our “yes” by saying “no.” We can say no to our flesh because we know that God has so much more planned for our life. It’s never easy to turn our back on what we feel may bring temporary comfort or even pleasure.
I still remember the night I brought my daughter home from the hospital, I found myself sitting in the bathroom crying because I wanted so badly to go back to the lifestyle I had. I so desperately wanted to find comfort in the things that I always used to cope with whatever pain I was dealing with. That moment was one of the first moments when I realized this wasn’t temporary. The battle I faced to be a mom worthy of the call was one that I was going to have to endure till the end.
The benefits of giving into our sin is definitely temporary, but endurance in the righteousness that God has planned for us is eternal.
This week my oldest turned sixteen. The past sixteen years has been filled with growth. In saying “no” to all the things my flesh desired I have said “yes” to God’s redemptive hand in my life. His plan is definitely still unfolding, but right now I’m ready to receive it. Funny how when we decide we want redemption and restoration in our life the enemy brings up the old fleshly desires we had already said no to.
I’m now back to that place where I feel alone, but I know I am redeemed. Right now I’m just clinging on to God’s promises for my life. I’m just clinging on to ETERNITY because every other desire of my heart brings me to a place of compromise. I know when I pursue the life He has planned for me then I need to protect my YES by saying NO.
It’s not always easy, and honestly it’s not always fun. But looking back over the past 16 years of my life, I know it’s worth it.