So it’s almost Mother’s Day. Honestly this time of year is such a busy and fun time of year. I get to celebrate Mother’s Day, my mom’s Birthday, and the birth of my oldest child!
My daughter will actually be 16 years old on May 12th. This is causing a whole lot of emotions that I simply wasn’t expecting. She was the baby that made me a mommy, a young mommy, a teen mom to be exact. I don’t write much about being a mom at such a young age and I am not sure why that is. Maybe because the emotions are still so real, or maybe it’s because I feel it’s a label that carries a lot of judgement with it. Even now I still get comments like, “You don’t look old enough to have a 16 year old!” I know that people are complimenting me, but it makes me feel a bit insecure.
Insecurity is definitely something I struggled with as a teen mom. But being a teen mom I had no idea that in general ALL moms struggle with insecurity.
Honestly I don’t like writing about motherhood in general, maybe it’s not about how old I was when I had my daughter as so much as it’s about being a mother is probably THE #1 thing I am MOST insecure about. Being a mom is hard, and often we think the older our children get the easier motherhood will get, and I have to say that is just not the case.
The older my children get the more insecure I am, however the more I lean and trust in God. The older my “baby” gets the more I have to let her go, but even in that our relationship grows.
I think about when I was only 16 years old wondering what in the world am I suppose to do with a 4 day old baby that will only sleep on my chest, and refused to sleep in her bassinet, and I think about how difficult that was. I think about how much I struggled with the love I had for her, sleep deprivation, and the desire to run back to all the things I did before I had her in order to cope with the pain that I was trying to hide. I then think about now, she is going to be 16 years old, almost an adult. I think about her helping her little sister at Target find a pair of shoes, or how she texts me in the middle of the day just to say “hi.” Motherhood is hard, and I’m pretty sure I get it wrong 99% of the time, but truly it is so sweet.
The more I let my daughter go, the more she grows, and I grow a little bit, too.
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Our faith begins with what we know and believe about God. Our faith will carry us how far we are willing to let it take us. Faith is a choice and we need to begin by choosing to believe in Jesus and His power to move mountains, heal the sick, and save us from all our sins through His sacrifice on the cross.