This week my two youngest started FIFTH GRADE! All I could think about were the very difficult days of when Sarah was a newborn, and Isaac was 16 months old.
I remember the first night Sarah was home from the hospital, I didn’t sleep all night because she was dealing with some complications from being born, and I was nursing her. The next morning both kiddos started crying at the same time and I was a very tried mama who just wanted to sleep! Back in those days it was survival mode, all the time. I don’t remember much about the first two years of Sarah’s life, it’s still kind of a blur…
However, I do remember the questions people would ask me when I would go into the store with Isaac and Sarah, they usually went something like this:
Random Stranger: “So, are they twins?”
Me: “No, they are 16 months apart.”
Random Stranger: “Was that planned?!?!”
Even though I can’t think of anything that was EASY about having two little ones so close in age, I will say those conversations with random strangers still make me laugh till this day!
I know I don’t write about being a mom much, that’s because being a mom has always been difficult for me. My start into this journey called motherhood was not an easy one, nor was it ideal. To be completely transparent, I feel like I have never measured up when it comes to being a mom.
But when I dropped my two babies off at their first day of fifth grade, I felt accomplished and sad at the same time. Accomplished because YAY WE MADE IT TO THE FIFTH GRADE AND WE ARE NO LONGER IN SURVIVAL MODE, and sad because we made it to the fifth grade and I feel like I haven’t enjoyed motherhood as much as I could have, simply because I am always focused on the standard I feel I could never meet.
The truth is the only standard we have is Jesus, and His measure is GRACE, FORGIVENESS, and LOVE.
Who we are NOT can hold us back if we let it. It can steal our JOY and distract us from our purpose. We can find our focus is a little off, and a bit skewed. The standard that we have yet to meet can create a situation where we are perpetually stuck!
We were never meant to fit into a box or create a life that looks like it came straight out of a magazine. Maybe that’s easier said than done, but let’s think about that…what’s harder? Being someone you’re not, or being OK with who you truly are, including your weaknesses.
As moms, we can get so caught up in trying to prove we are worthy that we lose our identity…our weakness is our identity, too. If we can’t accept our strengths, AND our weakness, then we aren’t that strong at all because God’s strength is made perfect in our WEAKNESS!
First day of FIFTH grade made me realize that life’s too short to spend it crying over the person, or the mother, I’m not. The clock keeps ticking, it’s not going to stop while I strive to become PERFECT. We all have a choice, either we can enjoy the day, weakness and all. Or we can make everything we are NOT more important than everything we have been blessed to receive. I CHOOSE to do the best I can, enjoy my time with my babies, and let God’s grace cover the rest.
Isaac and Sarah, first day of fifth grade.