This week has been a long week. One filled with God moving in an amazing way and one filled with a spiritual battle that has been raging on since January.
I wonder why it’s difficult for us to admit we are in a spiritual battle? For me I guess it makes me feel weak, broken. It’s just another highlight of the fact that I am human and it really does break down my pride.
On Tuesday evening it seemed the battle was at its worst. I was physically exhausted, every muscle in my body ached for no reason. This week marked a new semester of small groups at our church. So I was busy attending a small group with my mom on Tuesday night, which was a victory, but I felt defeated. I got home that evening so tired I could hardly stand it but I couldn’t fall asleep.
Then the next morning came. I dreaded Wednesday morning because I knew the enemy wasn’t going to just let me attend the small group I felt led to attend without putting up a fight. I went to bed the night before convinced I was just not going to go, but then I woke up with a renewed energy and desire to attend this group.
I went to group and during the introduction video I began to tear up because I was exhausted from the spiritual battle that was already taking place in my life. All I could think about was the battle that was set before me while attending this group, I could see the enemy building up his attack. All I could think about was how I just didn’t have anymore fight left in me. I was so broken.
God has definitely revealed to me the stronghold in my life that He wants me to work through during this Bible Study. In fact He has already been working on this stronghold with me since, you guessed it, JANUARY! No wonder why I have been in a never ending spiritual battle since then. I look forward to the day where I will find freedom in this certain area of my life.
The rest of the week has been filled with victories and moments where I felt the enemy has won and then lost again.
Freedom doesn’t come easy in this world. Often tearing down walls causes a lot of pain in our life and makes us feel weak and vulnerable. We often like to avoid these moments. I know I do. But sometimes the only way we can break down the strongholds is to face the moments where we need to rely on God the most.
That’s why I write. It’s where I am the most vulnerable and it is where I need to trust God the most. I can’t write a single word without praying for His grace and mercy over my life, and the words I write. It is with every word that chains are broken in my life and therefore I am broken before everyone that reads them. It has been a long journey, and it most definitely isn’t over yet. I’m looking forward to the day of freedom.