Shortly after my 16th birthday I found out I was pregnant with my oldest daughter.
It’s not something I typically write about. But it is something I have to explain to people almost everyday. I have learned to embrace the fact that once you are a teen mom you will always be a teen mom because you will never look old enough to have a child that looks (fill in the age of child in the blank.)
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by it all. Being a mom doesn’t get easier. The older my children get the more I realize I had no idea the way my life was going to change when I became a mom.
Yesterday was my birthday, and God decided to remind me of the thought process brought me this far. He showed me where I was 19 years ago, and although my life is far from perfect now, it wouldn’t be where it is today if I had given up hope.
You see, recently life has been full of change, and ups and downs. Feeling of hopelessness in whether or not people can truly change has invaded my heart. I began to look at others with disgust again, including myself.
Yesterday I couldn’t help but think about how my life as a teen mom would have been if I would have embraced what others believed about me , or if I would have believed my life was forever ruined, and hopeless.
What if I would have forever believed that I couldn’t change? Or be a better mom than what the statistics said about me? What if I believed what “they” were saying about me, that my life was ruined forever?
Even though I had obstacles to overcome as a teen mom, my daughter showed me that I could walk away from everything that I was doing that was truly putting my health and future at risk.
She was that little bit of hope that I needed in order to have a reason to walk away from those things, and I did walk away from everything.
I did this because I wanted to be the mom that I felt my daughter deserved.
It was never easy, and I failed over and over again.
But I had to change because conviction came for my heart.
Yesterday conviction came to my heart again.
Over the past several months (maybe even years) I had been listening to the wrong people.
The best teacher in our faith as Christians will be our experiences, and infusing God’s love and truth into those experiences. Once you do that, conviction will come to your heart.
Often we can wonder, Can God really change someone’s heart?
I remember not only having to turn away from drugs and alcohol when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, but I also had to let go of every single friendship I had at the time.
My friends were all Juniors in high school, I didn’t expect them to understand what it was like to be pregnant and the sacrifices it took to be a mom. But I also knew that if I wanted to be the mom my daughter deserved then I would have to let these friendships go.
It all just made me think about life right now, and the sacrifices that need to be made for the vision God has given me today.
Sometimes we just want to sit in our anger, bitterness, and annoyances. But when conviction comes to our heart we realize the things we need to let go of.
When I found out I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, I didn’t want to give up the lifestyle I was living, and it was scary. Every thing that defined my life and made it fun, and sometimes meaningful, I had to let go of it all because of the conviction in my heart on the type of mother I wanted to be.
Life is still like that. Often I am faced with making choices and decisions on the emotions I will carry around, or the choices that I will make in a certain situation, or even the people I will allow to influence my life.
I have to decide who I will listen to, and who I will follow.
Just like when I was a 16 year old girl that was creating new life within her.
When convictions come for your heart, follow them. They are there because you are carrying new life within you.