So the 21 days of prayer and fasting is over, however what I was fasting I have decided to leave it out of my life completely. One thing I learned during the fast, I didn’t need this “thing” in my life at all. Sure it was nice to have and I had found pleasure in having it around, but I didn’t need it.
Well now my heart is beginning to long for something, and I could not put my finger on what it was. So I began to turn to other things and yet my heart was not fulfilled. I could hear God gently calling me back into His presence, apparently I had left and didn’t even know it. My time had quickly gotten filled with everything but The Lord.
Worship is a choice. – “Satisfy my Thirsty Soul” by Linda Dillow
But as I sit here I can hear Him calling me to Him, I turn my back on Him. I reject His invitation, and honestly this is something I do often. It was a pattern if mine before the fast, and this pattern had returned.
Why was I rejecting Him? Why was I refusing the one thing that would satisfy this longing in my heart? Quickly after the fast I realized there was no way I was going to get through the day, let alone this journey, without going into His presence everyday. If I didn’t then this life was going to be filled with always seeking and longing, and never finding satisfaction. How can I trust Him if I don’t know Him? How can I believe truth if I don’t know what He really thinks of me?
Soon I realized that fear and shame were holding me back. The feelings of never feeling good enough would always creep in. Or maybe it was pride, did I really think I was all set and able to succeed on my own? Did I really think I didn’t need Him as much as the next person? What was I so afraid of?
Now, I know, but will I do better?